You know you’re at an Indian wedding when the air buzzes with music, the aroma of spices fills your nose, and everyone around you is decked out like royalty. It’s wild, colorful, lively, and, honestly, nothing quite compares. But step in the wrong direction—literally or figuratively—and you might become the topic of next morning’s chai-time gossip. From the number of relatives to the boatloads of rituals, these weddings can feel like an overload if you’re not prepared. If you’re headed to one, or just curious what NOT to do, stick around because messing this up isn’t just awkward. It can be hilarious or, if you’re unlucky, downright mortifying.
The Wardrobe: Don't Show Up Under or Overdressed
There’s an art to dressing for an Indian wedding, and let me tell you, every auntie present is an unappointed fashion judge. Showing up in jeans or revealing outfits is a rookie move. Indian weddings embrace vibrant colors and sparkling embellishments—think sarees, lehengas, or sherwanis. But flip to the other extreme—a shiny gold tuxedo or head-to-toe sequins—and you’ll risk looking like you just ran off the set of a Bollywood film, but in a bad way. It’s a delicate balance. Go for bright, festive colors, but steer clear of white and black, both of which are tied to mourning. Red, meanwhile, is usually reserved for the bride. Try pastels or jewel tones for women and avoid wearing anything that outshines the hosts. Besides, nothing screams ‘wedding newbie’ like a guy tugging at his collar in a business suit while everyone else is swirling in a kurta. I once saw someone try to pull off a Hawaiian shirt for a mehendi ceremony—it wasn’t pretty, and I swear half the grandmas nearly fainted.
On the accessories side, skip any religious symbols that don’t belong to you. Don’t slap a bindi on your forehead if you don’t know its significance or mix cultural motifs as if you’re sampling flavors at an ice cream shop. Indians cherish meaningful symbolism, and while a little curiosity is welcomed, costume play isn’t. Footwear gets tricky too. Many functions are indoors where you’ll be expected to remove your shoes. Think slip-ons, nothing that takes you ten minutes to untie. The key—dress up, but let tradition take the wheel. The next time you’re unpacking your bag, ask yourself: ‘Am I about to star in the family photo or photobomb it?’ That gut check can save you lots of awkward glances.
| Mistake | Why it’s a Problem | What to Wear Instead |
|---|---|---|
| Wearing Black or White | Signify mourning/funeral attire | Jewel tones, pastels, bright festive colors |
| Jeans or Western Casuals | Seen as disrespectful, too informal | Kurta-pajama, saree, lehenga, sherwani |
| Overdressing (Red for Guests) | Red is the bride’s exclusive color | Avoid red, opt for other festive shades |
| Religious Symbol Accessories | May offend or signify different beliefs | Stick to simple jewelry, approve with host |
Respect Rituals: Where to Sit, Stand, and Not to Snap a Selfie
You’ll notice that Indian weddings don’t have a ‘just sit and watch’ vibe. The ceremonies churn with activity—think pandits chanting Sanskrit shlokas, family members bustling with plates of sweets, and teens breaking into random dance moves. But here’s the thing—not every moment is a green light for you to whip out your phone or grab a snack. I’ve seen guests standing at the mandap (wedding altar) like they’re in a queue at the bakery, not realizing it’s a sacred space. Trust me, if you see people with folded hands or removing their shoes, take note. That means sacred ground; don’t stumble in with loud laughter or muddy shoes. Don’t snap selfies during prayers. Those rituals can be centuries-old, and your phone flash isn’t part of them.
During key rituals, the couple might walk around a fire seven times (saat phere), exchange garlands (varmala), or take blessings from elders. Unless you’re directly invited, stay outside the mandap—the center stage of the action. Don’t try to direct the rituals or ask the priest when the cake is being cut. There probably isn’t a cake. Some parts of the day, like the bidaai (bride's farewell), mean emotional goodbyes. I’ve watched guests giggle or make jokes during this moment; yikes, big mistake. Emotional, even for the toughest uncles. Show some empathy and let the family have their space.
If you’re offered a tilak (a mark on the forehead), accept it with respect, since it’s a traditional gesture of welcome. Eat only after elders have started and keep your plate vegetarian unless you know otherwise—many Indian weddings are meatless, depending on religion and region. And don’t, under any circumstances, ask for beef. That’s the fastest way to get side-eyed for the rest of the evening.
- Follow the crowd: If everyone’s removing shoes, do it.
- No non-stop phone recording: Don’t distract those performing prayers.
- Ask questions quietly if you’re lost—Indians love explaining their rituals but not in the middle of one.
- During meals, wash hands and sit where directed. Don’t start piling food before the elders.
- At the dance floor, don’t pull aunties to dance unless they seem into it. Respect personal space!
If you’re unsure, just look at the hosts; they usually steer things with subtle hand waves or reassuring nods. Don’t try to organize your own sub-wedding in a quiet corner; sprawling catch-up sessions during serious rituals are distracting. When Charlie, my dog, once made a cameo on a family Zoom wedding call, the chaos that followed was nothing compared to what actual disrespect can cause in person. The unwritten rule—blend in, not stand out.
Food, Drink, and Faux Pas: What Not to Say or Do
Everybody talks about the legendary Indian wedding food, and for good reason. Statistically, an average big city Indian wedding serves over 250 dishes across multiple meals (caterers have reported as many as 500 options in some Delhi weddings). The spread includes snacks, curries, breads, rice dishes, desserts, and often a separate section for chaat—those tangy, spicy street eats that you’ll want to fit in your suitcase on the way home. But, believe it or not, the dining hall is a minefield for rookie mistakes. First off, always wash your hands before meals—old-school etiquette is alive and kicking here. Most meals are served buffet style, but sometimes you’ll be seated and served on a banana leaf or with silverware. Don’t rush to the front of the line. Wait your turn, and don’t badger the servers if you can’t identify something. If you’re unsure, whisper a question to a friendly neighbor. A simple, ‘What’s this curry?’ gets you more helpful answers than a loud, ‘Is this spicy or weird?!’
Alcohol is a taboo at some Indian weddings, especially among certain religious groups—Sikh, Jain, and many Hindu families, for instance, ban booze altogether. Ask discreetly if alcohol is served and don’t sneak in your own flask. If alcohol is served, drink responsibly—stories of wild guests have turned into cautionary tales at more than one family gathering. Now, about dietary restrictions. Never, ever joke about the food, or worse, make faces. Telling a vegetarian auntie you brought your own steak is probably the fastest ticket to eternal ‘foreigner’ status. Likewise, don’t complain about spice levels at the table; your nose may run, but so does everyone else’s at some point.
Another big don’t: don’t decline food repeatedly, or worse, dump an unwanted heap onto your plate. Indian hosts take feeding guests seriously—there’s a saying, ‘Atithi Devo Bhava’, which means ‘The guest is god’. Refusing food can offend. If you’re full, refuse politely, but if someone insists, just go for a tiny spoonful. And, for the love of all things sweet, don’t launch into debates about calories, carbs, or ask for gluten-free, vegan, or keto alternatives unless you have real allergies. Most kitchens can’t accommodate every trend, and you might end up looking high-maintenance.
Here’s a snapshot of foodie faux pas—and their consequences:
| Mistake | Possible Reaction |
|---|---|
| Asking for beef | Silent outrage, cold stares |
| Refusing food repeatedly | Host feels slighted, repeated urging to eat |
| Making faces at unfamiliar dishes | Guests feel you’re disrespectful |
| Binge drinking or sneaking your own liquor | Quickly dubbed ‘bad influence’, alienation |
So, embrace culinary curiosity and be ready for seconds, thirds, or even fourths—it’s as normal as the groom losing his shoes (a real ‘game’ at many weddings). Crack a smile, try something new, and most importantly, put your phone down during meals. Trust me, if you nail the food etiquette, you’ll be remembered—for the right reasons.